Short Story (Inspired by "Play Crack the Sky" by Brand New)

    So much regret, it’s all I can feel. Everything that’s happened in the past few months, I should have paid attention to what I was saying. I never really thought about it, honestly. I could have answered that call, I really could have A tsunami of doubt and misery, leaving me completely abandoned. Void of all feelings that weren’t agonizing and tearing me apart. I wouldn’t have found out until later that day, when they found you. Blue as the ocean, still as the sky. It was like that nightmare you had so long ago. You said you felt so frozen, like an icicle. Waves going in and out, but they couldn’t suck your body into the shallows. You saw yourself, the sky moving through your eyes. They looked as if they were made of glass, the most beautiful and horrifying feeling as you realized you weren’t alive. Just rotting away in the sun.

They say your body is a vessel. You guided me safely through the seas, I remember everything being so perfect. Smooth sailing, but it was just an execrable illusion. That’s all my fault. Every word you spoke kept me sailing, but mine put a hole in your body as water rushed through. I can’t see anything through the gale, there is no light to guide me back home.  You never mentioned how bad you felt. You hid it so damn well; I wish I could have just another day. Another day to save you, to say all the right things. In that day, I would take back everything else. The things you never deserved. I’m so damn sorry for what I did to you, and I realized how wrong I was in my sleep.

Now the only thing separating us is your casket. I wish I could crawl inside just to apologize for the wreck that I made out of you. I’d push the water out from your air ridden lungs and breathe into you, trade our lives. Your kiss would  taste like the ocean, I could finally feel comfortable in your stiff arms. I can drown with you. I’ll send myself out to sea, and there I’ll sink. The water is so damn cold, it brings on a numb feeling. At the same time, it feels as if each of my hairs were being ripped as my body is set on fire.  It’s the best feeling, just the thought of being with you in moments. I feel the water replacing air in my lungs, everything is so real. The farther down I went, the closer and closer I got to you. The more I could see you, an apparition in front of me. This time, I swear it isn’t. Everything I said would come true, and we are one. As I touch your cheek, you open your beautiful eyes and smile hello. We’re alone down here, nothing can keep us apart. With that thought, your smile goes to a frown as you shake your head.

I forget now. I don’t remember where I am, just that I’m happy. There’s water everywhere, I’ve never been so warm. Never before this peaceful. Everything begins to fade the more my chest jerks. I suck in, but there’s nothing and you disappeared. I don’t want to die alone, please don’t let me die alone. Maybe I deserve this, but I want you. I just need somebody to tell me why we did it, someone who won’t blame me and in my dying moments I realize how alone you felt. Forsaken, like no one ever wanted you. Then how scared you were when everything turned black and you feel death creep into your body without letting you fight it, but I embrace it. I just let go, praying I’ll see you shortly.

They’ll find me far from where you were. Washed up on the shore, smiling. My body will be frozen, there won’t be a pulse. Then, like some horrific miracle they’ll wake me up and tell me that everything’s over. I just wish that they hadn’t, and once again I’m washed over with this torment.  I should have never said those things, and maybe then you would’ve let me join you. I was so damn close, but you just wouldn’t let me. This is all my fault.